Nameless
Active member
31日 8月 YE 46
Kyoto
The night was seldom dark within the capital. Even the thickest curtains gave way to a few rays of light that illuminated the well-lived bedroom. But while the outside had a measure of noise, the room was well insulated against sound. It was, after all, a sacred place for one to relax, sleep, and gather one's thoughts, safe from the bothersome outside. A sanctuary where one could indulge in peace, where the only sound heard were the only things allowed within.
And yet, something awoke the soldier. A worrying sound that caused her to flutter her eyes open and prop herself up on an elbow. The light from the edges of the curtain reflected off the walls to illuminate the sideways form sleeping beside her, turned away. Body curling towards itself, hands gripping upon the sheet, beads of sweat rising from the exposed skin and a trembling breath. These details slowly registered in the soldier's mind, filling her with concern, but this was exactly why she insisted on sharing the bed tonight instead of letting her sleep by herself.
"Sif," the soldier whispered as she placed her hand gently on the shoulder of the purple-skinned neko beside her. "It's okay. It's just a bad dream."
If the small jolt coming from the sleeping form didn't signal her awakening, then her whispered response did. "Sorry, Mio... Did I wake you?"
"You did, but that's not really important right now. Your heart's racing."
"O-oh, heh... I-it's nothing. Just a bad dream, like you said..." The hoarseness of her voice carried a sadness with it, a lingering emotion of what she had experienced.
Kamiyo shuffled closer to Sif, hooking her arm around her midsection to pull her into her embrace. "It's okay," she cooed. "Do you want to talk about it? It's been bothering you for a few days now, hasn't it?" Even without confirmation, she already noticed that Sif had been restless the last few nights.
Sif grabbed Kamiyo's arm, lifting it off of her, not to escape the embrace, but so she could turn around and speak to her face to face. The meager lighting hid the wetness of her eyes, but the act of wiping them dry with her hand let Kamiyo know that tears were drawn. It was worse that she first thought.
"Was it about your last mission?" Kamiyo prodded. "Look, I know we don't talk about work all that much, but this clearly got you distressed. You haven't talked to your crewmates about it either, have you?"
Sif shook her head. "I can't. I... don't think I can..."
"Well, you've got to talk to someone about it, one way or another. Get it off your chest, or it's going to eat you up on the inside. The nightmares are only going to get worse if you don't process... whatever it is that's haunting you right now. I know! Let's work backwards. Tell me about the nightmares. What do you remember?"
Kamiyo allowed for a moment to pass to let Sif think it over. She wasn't going to force it if she wasn't ready to talk about it. After all, she was no dream interpreter, or a mystic of the astral. But she had gotten morbidly curious of what her dear friend experienced that bothered her so. Even though it was Kamiyo herself who was the one to put a soft ban on talking about their missions. It was so easy for her to say more than she should have, so she thought this would keep her mouth shut. But right now, she really couldn't ignore whatever was haunting the girl beside her.
Ultimately however, Sif decided to give in. Taking a deep breath to compose herself, Sif began recounting her dreams. "I was running down a hallway, the walls covered in pulsating flesh, lit up by dim and flickering ceiling lights. I was following a voice calling out for me. She sounded desperate, and I could hear this shrill shriek just droning on and on, getting louder the deeper I went. After a while, I see these bodies in NMX uniforms strewn all over the hallway, cut in half, ripped apart, and bite marks all over. The faces I could see, I recognized them all. They were NMX soldiers I met on that mission."
Kamiyo knew only a few things about Sif's last mission. While there was a soft ban on work talk, the both of them would still share a few basic details now and again just to catch up. She knew Sif went on an infiltration mission, taking the guise of an NMX, ended up blowing up the base, but didn't really delve into the meat of it. Sif was hesitant to mention how she spent the time between the beginning and end of the mission, though Kamiyo at the time didn't find it strange. She was just happy to see her again since their deployments were often at odds of when they're able to get to meet in person. Now she's thinking that maybe she didn't talk about it because it hurt to do so. The quiver in her voice hinted it so.
"The next thing I knew, I was staring at myself in the mirror above a sink. I was in the armory, alone. And then somebody walked in. Cynea, the identity I had, was staring at me. I felt a cold chill run down my spine. She walked forward, and I stepped aside. It didn't seem like she noticed me. When I looked towards the mirror again, it was gone, replaced by a cryo chamber with my body inside, rotting, chunks being bitten off and it was crawling with those disgusting bugs that's everywhere on the base." Sif shivered at the thought, but continued to recount her nightmare.
"And the last part, before you woke me up, I was back in my bunk on the Kaiyo. I thought I woke up from the nightmare, so I went out to go to the mess hall to grab a snack or something. But when I went out, it was quiet. I started to make my way to the mess hall and I started to see blood, scorch marks, scratches on the walls and soon I found bodies from the crew on the Kaiyo and the captives we took. It looked like they broke out and started a riot. I saw the worst of it in the mess hall. It somehow looked worse than the deepest part of the enemy base. Bodies hanging from the ceiling, along with those fused to the walls and floor, writhing in pain, calling out for help in a constant drone that almost sounded deafening. And in the center I saw two of me. This body and Cynea. At first it looked like they were cradling Molli and Rem."
"Rem?"
"Yeah. We worked in the armory together. She showed me the ropes when I got tangled up in the job. Kind of like what you did when you found me during my training."
Kamiyo gently pressed her hand on Sif's back, as a reminder that everything was fine. She had felt her beginning to tremble again.
"At first I thought the two of myself were cradling the bodies. But when I got closer, I saw that they were both taking bites out of them. And then I saw everyone else lying around them, and..." Sif suddenly jolted up off the bed, hand over her mouth and rushed to the bathroom. Kamiyo took off after her, where she saw Sif heaving over the toilet bowl. As fast as she could, Kamiyo gathered up her friend's hair, keeping it off the floor.
"Geez, you scared me half to death," Kamiyo chuckled. "I thought you were going to hurl all over my books for a moment there."
"S-sorry,"
"Oh shut up, there's no need to be sorry about it. Though, after all this, I don't think either of us are getting back to sleep tonight. That dash to the bathroom shook the drowsiness right off."
"Y-yeah. Heh, I guess we get to finish that book we were reading before."
"Mmm. We could, but I have a better idea. Let's go for a walk. No! A drive, then a walk. We got to get you something to fill your stomach back up."
"I'm still feeling nauseous--"
"Don't worry, I've been there and I know exactly what you need! Now if you're done making room, go gargle some mouthwash and suit up."
Sif chuckled before getting back to her feet. "Yes ma'am."
"Oh don't get cheeky. People are already thinking we're dating, I don't want them to think I'm your dominatrix too."
"So collar off for tonight or...?" Sif smirked as she got a gentle smack on the shoulder. The two shared a laugh before Kamiyo returned to her room after giving Sif a last onceover to make sure she could make it back to her own room without collapsing or making a mess on the way. As she was flipping on the lights so she could start picking out her clothes, she could hear the bathroom door open and close on the other side. The bathroom was connecting the two bedrooms in the apartment, the doors directly opposite to each other. It was a convenient setup. One less bathroom meant more space for books.
Sif's room used to be a guest room, then became a storage room for all the things Kamiyo couldn't bother herself with putting away. It got converted to Sif's room when Kamiyo invited her to live with her, at least until Sif could score a place close by, though there wasn't any hurry on that front. It was nice to have someone within shouting range when they happen to be off duty at the same time. Saved a lot of planning too if they decided to go out. It was a decision she has yet to regret.
Thick brown boots for the snow, dark green cargo pants a size or two bigger than she was for leg warmth tightened by a black belt around her waist, and a grey t-shirt with an edgy quote underneath a pale yellow parka was her choice of clothing for the night. In front of the mirror, she brushed her shoulder-length raven hair and straightened out the fashionably asymmetric bangs in front of her face, starting short on the right and gradually getting longer to the left. Though there was still something missing. Kamiyo looked through her drawers, finding a pair of black gloves meant for riders. "Oh shoot, I forgot to return these... Oh well, this'll do for tonight," she said, slipping them on.
With her outfit thrown together, she went out to the living room to wait on Sif, plopping herself down on the sofa. 'Damn, she's really going through it,' Kamiyo thought to herself, imagining her own version of the nightmare. 'What was it... 2 weeks in an underground base. That's enough to really get to know everyone. Maybe long enough to start considering them friends. By the sound of things, she felt close enough to them to feel guilty when she had to act. I guess that explains the last part of her nightmare, chowing down on her friends. Hm. No wonder there's a huge community for dream analysis. This is kind of fun.'
A short while later, Sif came out of her room, hair neatly wrapped in a braid. She got her dark blue jeans, black boots, red turtleneck, and a black parka zipped up all the way. She even had some proper quilted gloves, dark grey in color. "Alright, ready to head out!" she said with a cheer.
Kamiyo had relief wash over her. Even though Sif still looked a little bummed out, her aura was a lot lighter. Chalk it up to her being able to breathe now that she got some of her worries off her chest, even though it was just her talking about the nightmare.
"Alllll-right!" Kamiyo practically jumped up from the sofa and led the charge to the front door, taking her keys on the way out. Down the hallway, they passed the other tenants, each giving and getting friendly waves as they passed. "Let's take the stairs, warm up before we embrace the cold," Kamiyo called, leaving no room for protests.
"Down ten flights of stairs, why not," Sif groaned playfully as she followed Kamiyo down.
By the time they arrived at the lobby, Kamiyo had started to huff as her heartbeat quickened from the exertion. "Wow... you didn't even break a sweat. Just how much exercise do you do on your ship?"
"Just a few hours a day if I don't have anything else to do. It probably helped that I wasn't hopping and skipping down the stairs like it was theater."
"What? You're just jealous of my agility. Don't get to be a limbo champion without that kind of surefootedness and lithe footwork."
As they walked from the lobby to the parking lot, Kamiyo took out her data pad and activated her Zephyr, which they both could see in the far back, lighting up and making its way over to them. Another click on her data pad and the doors opened, lifting up like a bird ready to take flight.
Kamiyo of course went to the driver's seat while Sif rode shotgun.
"So, where are we going?" Sif asked.
"Well, we'll definitely need to get the taste of bile off your tongue, that's for sure," she responded, taking manual control of the car and driving off the parking lot and down the road once the doors clicked shut once more. "Maybe get something to fill your stomach a bit. Do you think you can handle a meat bun, or...?"
Kamiyo glanced towards Sif, who had a grimace on her face just thinking about the texture. "Right! Noodles it is then." The decision wiped the grimace off right off of her face as she nodded in agreement.
Their first stop was a convenience store, which, in addition to the noodle cups Kamiyo set out to buy, also had some milk tea, which should help in calming the acidity in Sif's throat. A few bags of junk food, and some canned drinks were also added to the bag. Where they were going, they could use something to nibble on.
They set off again, with drinks in hand and their picnic supplies stored safely in the back. This time they were taking to the skies, with Kamiyo setting the autopilot to a destination she frequented outside the city.
"Hey, where are we going?" Sif asked, looking outside the window, towards the crowds that only got smaller the higher they went.
"Oh, just to a little spot I go to when I need some alone time. Being in the capital is great and all, but it's just too crowded, and too loud sometimes. So, we are going outside the city limits, where it's a lot quieter."
"I didn't take you to be a nature girl, Mio."
"I'm not. I just... hmm... hate's too much of a strong word." She adjusted her seat to a more lounging-friendly elevation, folding a hand underneath her head, while the other kept a hold of the cup of milk tea. "Love-hate, I'd say. Yeah. I have a love-hate relationship with big cities. I love it because you can find things a lot easier when you can just throw a rock in the air and hit a random shop. Foodstuffs just a few blocks away. You can just get things delivered and it'll be at your door in fifteen minutes. And I hate it because there's too many people crowding everything. Everything's so busy. It's suffocating! Ever since I got deployed to a backwater planet, I've just been craving being able to breathe, you know? It’s just so peaceful, even in open space."
She looked to Sif, who was taking small sips of her tea as she continued to look outside the window. "Kind of like being all the way up here?" Sif asked, taking in the distinct lack of noise within the airborne car.
"Yeah, kinda like this. But a lot more white noise, like rustling of the trees as the wind blows. The sound of a flowing river. Small splashes as fish break through the surface to catch a bug flying over the water. I can skip on the cicadas though. Spawning once every few years to scream for a few days of sex before they drop dead. Man, I never wanted to burn down a forest so badly," Kamiyo chuckled at her recollection and passed the question to Sif. "So, in your missions, did you ever get to go somewhere peaceful like that?"
"Well, yeah, I suppose. Though it wasn't really a mission. When I got assigned to the Kaiyo, I got invited to a guesthouse in a less developed world north of Yamatai. It was... strange. Compared to the station we met at, all that greenery was almost enchanted. It had a hot spring too, so we got to relax a bit. I was a bit nervous so I couldn't really appreciate the atmosphere at the time. But I do kind of agree with you about the downsides of city life. But at the same time... It definitely needs some getting used to. Living outside a megacity, that is."
Kamiyo nodded. "I was actually thinking of moving a couple of times, just to see how different life would be."
Sif looked back to her. "Why didn't you?"
"I'd miss the shops? Maybe it was the food. Definitely wouldn't be too fussed about the people, save for a few friends, but that's why we have SYNC and all those other networks. Maybe I just got attached? I don't know, maybe I should just give it a try and see how I like it."
"Maybe you can try moving into a smaller city?"
"What?! Don't be crazy. That's just going to make me want to move back to the bigger city. It's just too similar -- just scaled down and worse. It'll just leave me feeling wanting."
"So you'd rather just jump straight to going off the grid?"
"Okay, not going to go that far. I still have shows I got to watch, fan theories to rip apart and books to discover."
A quiet beep interrupted the two as the Zephyr landed on the base of a hill.
"Sweet! I don't see any signs of anyone else being here. We got the bench all to ourselves!" Kamiyo happily said as she put the car on standby and grabbed the bag of goodies. "Come on, we got to hurry or we're going to miss it!"
"Miss what?" Sif asked, but Kamiyo had already hastened off to the first few steps on the hill.
The path looked to be loose brick laid on the ground, half buried and slowly being overtaken by snow. Half road, half stairway, the old bricks snaked a path to the summit where a crownless tree sat vigil. Kamiyo slowed down to urge Sif to get up the steps faster. "Come on, slowpoke!"
"Why didn't we land at the top?"
"Because then you wouldn't have to work for it! Come on, it's only two hundred steps!"
"Two hundred?!"
"Maybe more, maybe less. I swear this place loses more and more bricks every time I come over. Now hurry up!"
Kamiyo reached the top of the hill a good minute ahead of Sif. Being more familiar with the trail, she intended to have her footprints in the snow act as a guide for her lagging companion. By the time said companion reached the top, Kamiyo had already cleared out the snow that had covered the lone bench underneath the tree. The two sat down, facing the megacity, its lights creating a glow which made it hard to ignore.
From the bag, Kamiyo produced a thermos, which had the option to heat up its contents. She turned it on and set it on the ground to do its thing as she opened a pack of chips to share. "What do you think of the view?" she asked as she offered the bag of chips to Sif.
"It kind of makes the city look like it's in a snow globe with that glow."
"Mhm. It is pretty to look at. Just a shame it blocks out most of the night sky."
"What do you mean?"
"You must have seen it when you were at the hot spring, right?" Kamiyo looked to the sky and gestured broadly to it. "The stars! The galaxy! All of it being visible to the naked eye. Dotting the inky blackness as if someone took a shotgun and punched millions of holes through the cover of the night, letting the morning shine through."
"Yeah, now that you mention it, the sky does look pretty dull."
"It's all the lights from the cities. Their glow blocks out the dimmer starlight. You can focus real hard on one part of the sky and you'll see stars start popping in, but there's still a lot more you can't see."
There was a 'ding' from the thermos, prompting Kamiyo to pull out the noodle cups and start preparing, thrusting the bag of chips to Sif's hands. As she poured the hot water into the cups to cook, she continued to speak. "It's one of the things that makes me want to move somewhere quieter. I feel like I could lose hours just looking up at the stars we rarely get to see in cities." Setting the cups between them on the bench, she stowed away the thermos and leaned back.
"Do you think they'd like being in cities or would they prefer smaller settlements?"
Sif turned quizzically, "Who?"
"The NMX prisoners you took home. Do you think they prefer being in big cities, or a more rural environment?"
"Hmm... I don't really know. I think they might be overwhelmed with just how many people are in megacities. I know two who are claustrophobic; they'll definitely prefer big open spaces outside cities. I... could probably ask them if they didn't hate my guts."
"Hate you? For what?"
"For stabbing them all in the back."
"Ah, I guess that'd do it. Give it time. Once their brainwashing has been taken away and they get rehabilitated, they'll be able to experience what its like to be a Yamataian. The milk tea's definitely going to win some over. If not, maybe the dango will. Did they have ice cream?"
"I don't think so? There weren't any on the base."
"Then you can take them out for some ice cream! You can show them that surrendering was for the best. Can't imagine they've been treated fairly when they're working for the squids. It's all about the quality of life, you know? Take them shopping. Bring them to watch movies. Take them to the park for a casual walk. Hit the beaches maybe when the weather gets warmer."
"Sounds like you're planning a date," Sif chuckled as she dug into her noodle cup.
"Look, the only difference between hanging out with your friends and being on a date is the chance of having someone inside another at the end of it!"
Kamiyo's directness sent Sif into a coughing fit, much to the former's amusement.
"Mio! I was in the middle of eating!" Sif said, chuckling in between the coughs as she tried recomposing herself.
"Tell me I'm wrong, Sif! You can't! Because I'm speaking the truth and you know it!" Kamiyo declared, doubling down on her stance as she fished for some water to hand over to Sif, who took it and took a few gulps.
When the laughter died down, Sif looked to her friend and smiled. "Thank you, Mio."
"Don't mention it, I couldn't just let you die to a noodle, now could I?"
"Not just that. Thank you for tonight. I know you're trying to get my mind off of things." Sif's smile became more solemn as she spoke. "And it really helped. Just being able to open up is so... freeing."
"You know you could also just open up to the rest of your crew. You don't always have to put on a brave face for them."
"I... No, I can't do that. I can't go soft on them now."
"Why not?"
"Well... I want them to be able to rely on me out there. I already slipped up a few times. I got Molli shot, and I endangered William when I couldn't pull the trigger against the enemy. I'm pretty sure he also took a bullet from that escape attempt. I thought I was doing well in Urtullan, but Rio still got shot down... After all that, I can't be the softie. I have to stop being the softie..."
Kamiyo reached over to Sif, wrapped her arms around her neck and pulled her in for a hug. "Oh Sif..." Shifting her position, Kamiyo cupped her hands over Sif's face. Tenderly and gently she squished her cheeks before pinching them and stretching them out like a grandma does to her grandchildren.
"Ow ow ow!" Sif cried out, nearly spilling the noodles.
"You forgot what I told you in training!" Releasing her hold on Sif, Kamiyo returned to eating from her own cup. "You're falling down the same trap you found yourself in when you were comparing yourself to the rest of your batch. So what if you're softer than the rest? You still got the job done, right?"
"... Well.."
"Right?!"
"I guess..."
"Look, if you're so keen on comparing yourself to other people, let's go back to boot camp. You're in the middle of the road, falling behind. You weren't improving as fast as the rest of your batch, but do you know what I noticed when I looked at the stats?"
"Wait, you looked? I thought only the officers in charge were allowed to look at those."
Kamiyo froze for a moment, her eyes shifting away from Sif before going back to her, like a child being caught doing something she might get in trouble for. "I -- uh-- I may have snooped. May have smooth talked my way to take a peek. B-but that's not important! W-what's important is that while you were falling behind overall, you were excelling in one aspect or two, just getting dragged down by others aspects. Look, you weren't all that good with shooting, let's face it."
"I know."
"But! When it came to close quarters, you demolished the top marksman on your batch! Sure there was another who demolished you back, but then she was horrendous when it came to tactics... W-what I'm saying is, despite us being essentially factory-made, we're not like combat knives or NSPs that are built to the same standard so they can be replaced without impacting performance of whoever uses them. We are on a thousand maybe a million scales when it comes to our competencies. We got our strengths and weaknesses. Play your strengths, compensate for your weaknesses. Everything can be improved on with time and experience but you mustn't forget the most important thing: Be. You! Despite how we came to be, we're not just weapons. We are people. We are flawed. And that's okay."
Sif stared at Kamiyo, stunned at her words. She sniffled and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "Mio..."
Kamiyo pulled her back into a hug. And softly, she said, "I know it's going to be difficult to open up to your crew about all this. You don't have to do it if you really don't want to. I just want you to know that you can always be soft with me. But please, don't lose who you are just to gain their approval. Who you are is always going to be the most valuable aspect of yourself. Okay?"
She could hear Sif sobbing, and she just held her tight. She could feel Sif hold on tightly to her too. Sif needed this, that much she could tell. Keeping all the tears in wasn't good for the soul. It'd fester as it built up pressure. And when the dam breaks? It'd break away a part of you. Little by little it'll break you apart. She was going to keep that from happening.
"Hey... Sif... Look towards the city for a moment," Kamiyo said, the hug they've been tangled in finally parting.
Over on the horizon the sun was beginning to rise, bringing with it a bright gradient slowly overtaking the night sky, bringing light to a new day. The two sat there for a few more hours, just talking and watching the sunrise, letting the warm rays wash over them. Even as the snacks ran out. Even when the birds began to sing and take to the skies, soaring above the earth. Even as in the distance the already busy city bustled more to life.
All that seemed so far away in the moment.
Kyoto
The night was seldom dark within the capital. Even the thickest curtains gave way to a few rays of light that illuminated the well-lived bedroom. But while the outside had a measure of noise, the room was well insulated against sound. It was, after all, a sacred place for one to relax, sleep, and gather one's thoughts, safe from the bothersome outside. A sanctuary where one could indulge in peace, where the only sound heard were the only things allowed within.
And yet, something awoke the soldier. A worrying sound that caused her to flutter her eyes open and prop herself up on an elbow. The light from the edges of the curtain reflected off the walls to illuminate the sideways form sleeping beside her, turned away. Body curling towards itself, hands gripping upon the sheet, beads of sweat rising from the exposed skin and a trembling breath. These details slowly registered in the soldier's mind, filling her with concern, but this was exactly why she insisted on sharing the bed tonight instead of letting her sleep by herself.
"Sif," the soldier whispered as she placed her hand gently on the shoulder of the purple-skinned neko beside her. "It's okay. It's just a bad dream."
If the small jolt coming from the sleeping form didn't signal her awakening, then her whispered response did. "Sorry, Mio... Did I wake you?"
"You did, but that's not really important right now. Your heart's racing."
"O-oh, heh... I-it's nothing. Just a bad dream, like you said..." The hoarseness of her voice carried a sadness with it, a lingering emotion of what she had experienced.
Kamiyo shuffled closer to Sif, hooking her arm around her midsection to pull her into her embrace. "It's okay," she cooed. "Do you want to talk about it? It's been bothering you for a few days now, hasn't it?" Even without confirmation, she already noticed that Sif had been restless the last few nights.
Sif grabbed Kamiyo's arm, lifting it off of her, not to escape the embrace, but so she could turn around and speak to her face to face. The meager lighting hid the wetness of her eyes, but the act of wiping them dry with her hand let Kamiyo know that tears were drawn. It was worse that she first thought.
"Was it about your last mission?" Kamiyo prodded. "Look, I know we don't talk about work all that much, but this clearly got you distressed. You haven't talked to your crewmates about it either, have you?"
Sif shook her head. "I can't. I... don't think I can..."
"Well, you've got to talk to someone about it, one way or another. Get it off your chest, or it's going to eat you up on the inside. The nightmares are only going to get worse if you don't process... whatever it is that's haunting you right now. I know! Let's work backwards. Tell me about the nightmares. What do you remember?"
Kamiyo allowed for a moment to pass to let Sif think it over. She wasn't going to force it if she wasn't ready to talk about it. After all, she was no dream interpreter, or a mystic of the astral. But she had gotten morbidly curious of what her dear friend experienced that bothered her so. Even though it was Kamiyo herself who was the one to put a soft ban on talking about their missions. It was so easy for her to say more than she should have, so she thought this would keep her mouth shut. But right now, she really couldn't ignore whatever was haunting the girl beside her.
Ultimately however, Sif decided to give in. Taking a deep breath to compose herself, Sif began recounting her dreams. "I was running down a hallway, the walls covered in pulsating flesh, lit up by dim and flickering ceiling lights. I was following a voice calling out for me. She sounded desperate, and I could hear this shrill shriek just droning on and on, getting louder the deeper I went. After a while, I see these bodies in NMX uniforms strewn all over the hallway, cut in half, ripped apart, and bite marks all over. The faces I could see, I recognized them all. They were NMX soldiers I met on that mission."
Kamiyo knew only a few things about Sif's last mission. While there was a soft ban on work talk, the both of them would still share a few basic details now and again just to catch up. She knew Sif went on an infiltration mission, taking the guise of an NMX, ended up blowing up the base, but didn't really delve into the meat of it. Sif was hesitant to mention how she spent the time between the beginning and end of the mission, though Kamiyo at the time didn't find it strange. She was just happy to see her again since their deployments were often at odds of when they're able to get to meet in person. Now she's thinking that maybe she didn't talk about it because it hurt to do so. The quiver in her voice hinted it so.
"The next thing I knew, I was staring at myself in the mirror above a sink. I was in the armory, alone. And then somebody walked in. Cynea, the identity I had, was staring at me. I felt a cold chill run down my spine. She walked forward, and I stepped aside. It didn't seem like she noticed me. When I looked towards the mirror again, it was gone, replaced by a cryo chamber with my body inside, rotting, chunks being bitten off and it was crawling with those disgusting bugs that's everywhere on the base." Sif shivered at the thought, but continued to recount her nightmare.
"And the last part, before you woke me up, I was back in my bunk on the Kaiyo. I thought I woke up from the nightmare, so I went out to go to the mess hall to grab a snack or something. But when I went out, it was quiet. I started to make my way to the mess hall and I started to see blood, scorch marks, scratches on the walls and soon I found bodies from the crew on the Kaiyo and the captives we took. It looked like they broke out and started a riot. I saw the worst of it in the mess hall. It somehow looked worse than the deepest part of the enemy base. Bodies hanging from the ceiling, along with those fused to the walls and floor, writhing in pain, calling out for help in a constant drone that almost sounded deafening. And in the center I saw two of me. This body and Cynea. At first it looked like they were cradling Molli and Rem."
"Rem?"
"Yeah. We worked in the armory together. She showed me the ropes when I got tangled up in the job. Kind of like what you did when you found me during my training."
Kamiyo gently pressed her hand on Sif's back, as a reminder that everything was fine. She had felt her beginning to tremble again.
"At first I thought the two of myself were cradling the bodies. But when I got closer, I saw that they were both taking bites out of them. And then I saw everyone else lying around them, and..." Sif suddenly jolted up off the bed, hand over her mouth and rushed to the bathroom. Kamiyo took off after her, where she saw Sif heaving over the toilet bowl. As fast as she could, Kamiyo gathered up her friend's hair, keeping it off the floor.
"Geez, you scared me half to death," Kamiyo chuckled. "I thought you were going to hurl all over my books for a moment there."
"S-sorry,"
"Oh shut up, there's no need to be sorry about it. Though, after all this, I don't think either of us are getting back to sleep tonight. That dash to the bathroom shook the drowsiness right off."
"Y-yeah. Heh, I guess we get to finish that book we were reading before."
"Mmm. We could, but I have a better idea. Let's go for a walk. No! A drive, then a walk. We got to get you something to fill your stomach back up."
"I'm still feeling nauseous--"
"Don't worry, I've been there and I know exactly what you need! Now if you're done making room, go gargle some mouthwash and suit up."
Sif chuckled before getting back to her feet. "Yes ma'am."
"Oh don't get cheeky. People are already thinking we're dating, I don't want them to think I'm your dominatrix too."
"So collar off for tonight or...?" Sif smirked as she got a gentle smack on the shoulder. The two shared a laugh before Kamiyo returned to her room after giving Sif a last onceover to make sure she could make it back to her own room without collapsing or making a mess on the way. As she was flipping on the lights so she could start picking out her clothes, she could hear the bathroom door open and close on the other side. The bathroom was connecting the two bedrooms in the apartment, the doors directly opposite to each other. It was a convenient setup. One less bathroom meant more space for books.
Sif's room used to be a guest room, then became a storage room for all the things Kamiyo couldn't bother herself with putting away. It got converted to Sif's room when Kamiyo invited her to live with her, at least until Sif could score a place close by, though there wasn't any hurry on that front. It was nice to have someone within shouting range when they happen to be off duty at the same time. Saved a lot of planning too if they decided to go out. It was a decision she has yet to regret.
Thick brown boots for the snow, dark green cargo pants a size or two bigger than she was for leg warmth tightened by a black belt around her waist, and a grey t-shirt with an edgy quote underneath a pale yellow parka was her choice of clothing for the night. In front of the mirror, she brushed her shoulder-length raven hair and straightened out the fashionably asymmetric bangs in front of her face, starting short on the right and gradually getting longer to the left. Though there was still something missing. Kamiyo looked through her drawers, finding a pair of black gloves meant for riders. "Oh shoot, I forgot to return these... Oh well, this'll do for tonight," she said, slipping them on.
With her outfit thrown together, she went out to the living room to wait on Sif, plopping herself down on the sofa. 'Damn, she's really going through it,' Kamiyo thought to herself, imagining her own version of the nightmare. 'What was it... 2 weeks in an underground base. That's enough to really get to know everyone. Maybe long enough to start considering them friends. By the sound of things, she felt close enough to them to feel guilty when she had to act. I guess that explains the last part of her nightmare, chowing down on her friends. Hm. No wonder there's a huge community for dream analysis. This is kind of fun.'
A short while later, Sif came out of her room, hair neatly wrapped in a braid. She got her dark blue jeans, black boots, red turtleneck, and a black parka zipped up all the way. She even had some proper quilted gloves, dark grey in color. "Alright, ready to head out!" she said with a cheer.
Kamiyo had relief wash over her. Even though Sif still looked a little bummed out, her aura was a lot lighter. Chalk it up to her being able to breathe now that she got some of her worries off her chest, even though it was just her talking about the nightmare.
"Alllll-right!" Kamiyo practically jumped up from the sofa and led the charge to the front door, taking her keys on the way out. Down the hallway, they passed the other tenants, each giving and getting friendly waves as they passed. "Let's take the stairs, warm up before we embrace the cold," Kamiyo called, leaving no room for protests.
"Down ten flights of stairs, why not," Sif groaned playfully as she followed Kamiyo down.
By the time they arrived at the lobby, Kamiyo had started to huff as her heartbeat quickened from the exertion. "Wow... you didn't even break a sweat. Just how much exercise do you do on your ship?"
"Just a few hours a day if I don't have anything else to do. It probably helped that I wasn't hopping and skipping down the stairs like it was theater."
"What? You're just jealous of my agility. Don't get to be a limbo champion without that kind of surefootedness and lithe footwork."
As they walked from the lobby to the parking lot, Kamiyo took out her data pad and activated her Zephyr, which they both could see in the far back, lighting up and making its way over to them. Another click on her data pad and the doors opened, lifting up like a bird ready to take flight.
Kamiyo of course went to the driver's seat while Sif rode shotgun.
"So, where are we going?" Sif asked.
"Well, we'll definitely need to get the taste of bile off your tongue, that's for sure," she responded, taking manual control of the car and driving off the parking lot and down the road once the doors clicked shut once more. "Maybe get something to fill your stomach a bit. Do you think you can handle a meat bun, or...?"
Kamiyo glanced towards Sif, who had a grimace on her face just thinking about the texture. "Right! Noodles it is then." The decision wiped the grimace off right off of her face as she nodded in agreement.
Their first stop was a convenience store, which, in addition to the noodle cups Kamiyo set out to buy, also had some milk tea, which should help in calming the acidity in Sif's throat. A few bags of junk food, and some canned drinks were also added to the bag. Where they were going, they could use something to nibble on.
They set off again, with drinks in hand and their picnic supplies stored safely in the back. This time they were taking to the skies, with Kamiyo setting the autopilot to a destination she frequented outside the city.
"Hey, where are we going?" Sif asked, looking outside the window, towards the crowds that only got smaller the higher they went.
"Oh, just to a little spot I go to when I need some alone time. Being in the capital is great and all, but it's just too crowded, and too loud sometimes. So, we are going outside the city limits, where it's a lot quieter."
"I didn't take you to be a nature girl, Mio."
"I'm not. I just... hmm... hate's too much of a strong word." She adjusted her seat to a more lounging-friendly elevation, folding a hand underneath her head, while the other kept a hold of the cup of milk tea. "Love-hate, I'd say. Yeah. I have a love-hate relationship with big cities. I love it because you can find things a lot easier when you can just throw a rock in the air and hit a random shop. Foodstuffs just a few blocks away. You can just get things delivered and it'll be at your door in fifteen minutes. And I hate it because there's too many people crowding everything. Everything's so busy. It's suffocating! Ever since I got deployed to a backwater planet, I've just been craving being able to breathe, you know? It’s just so peaceful, even in open space."
She looked to Sif, who was taking small sips of her tea as she continued to look outside the window. "Kind of like being all the way up here?" Sif asked, taking in the distinct lack of noise within the airborne car.
"Yeah, kinda like this. But a lot more white noise, like rustling of the trees as the wind blows. The sound of a flowing river. Small splashes as fish break through the surface to catch a bug flying over the water. I can skip on the cicadas though. Spawning once every few years to scream for a few days of sex before they drop dead. Man, I never wanted to burn down a forest so badly," Kamiyo chuckled at her recollection and passed the question to Sif. "So, in your missions, did you ever get to go somewhere peaceful like that?"
"Well, yeah, I suppose. Though it wasn't really a mission. When I got assigned to the Kaiyo, I got invited to a guesthouse in a less developed world north of Yamatai. It was... strange. Compared to the station we met at, all that greenery was almost enchanted. It had a hot spring too, so we got to relax a bit. I was a bit nervous so I couldn't really appreciate the atmosphere at the time. But I do kind of agree with you about the downsides of city life. But at the same time... It definitely needs some getting used to. Living outside a megacity, that is."
Kamiyo nodded. "I was actually thinking of moving a couple of times, just to see how different life would be."
Sif looked back to her. "Why didn't you?"
"I'd miss the shops? Maybe it was the food. Definitely wouldn't be too fussed about the people, save for a few friends, but that's why we have SYNC and all those other networks. Maybe I just got attached? I don't know, maybe I should just give it a try and see how I like it."
"Maybe you can try moving into a smaller city?"
"What?! Don't be crazy. That's just going to make me want to move back to the bigger city. It's just too similar -- just scaled down and worse. It'll just leave me feeling wanting."
"So you'd rather just jump straight to going off the grid?"
"Okay, not going to go that far. I still have shows I got to watch, fan theories to rip apart and books to discover."
A quiet beep interrupted the two as the Zephyr landed on the base of a hill.
"Sweet! I don't see any signs of anyone else being here. We got the bench all to ourselves!" Kamiyo happily said as she put the car on standby and grabbed the bag of goodies. "Come on, we got to hurry or we're going to miss it!"
"Miss what?" Sif asked, but Kamiyo had already hastened off to the first few steps on the hill.
The path looked to be loose brick laid on the ground, half buried and slowly being overtaken by snow. Half road, half stairway, the old bricks snaked a path to the summit where a crownless tree sat vigil. Kamiyo slowed down to urge Sif to get up the steps faster. "Come on, slowpoke!"
"Why didn't we land at the top?"
"Because then you wouldn't have to work for it! Come on, it's only two hundred steps!"
"Two hundred?!"
"Maybe more, maybe less. I swear this place loses more and more bricks every time I come over. Now hurry up!"
Kamiyo reached the top of the hill a good minute ahead of Sif. Being more familiar with the trail, she intended to have her footprints in the snow act as a guide for her lagging companion. By the time said companion reached the top, Kamiyo had already cleared out the snow that had covered the lone bench underneath the tree. The two sat down, facing the megacity, its lights creating a glow which made it hard to ignore.
From the bag, Kamiyo produced a thermos, which had the option to heat up its contents. She turned it on and set it on the ground to do its thing as she opened a pack of chips to share. "What do you think of the view?" she asked as she offered the bag of chips to Sif.
"It kind of makes the city look like it's in a snow globe with that glow."
"Mhm. It is pretty to look at. Just a shame it blocks out most of the night sky."
"What do you mean?"
"You must have seen it when you were at the hot spring, right?" Kamiyo looked to the sky and gestured broadly to it. "The stars! The galaxy! All of it being visible to the naked eye. Dotting the inky blackness as if someone took a shotgun and punched millions of holes through the cover of the night, letting the morning shine through."
"Yeah, now that you mention it, the sky does look pretty dull."
"It's all the lights from the cities. Their glow blocks out the dimmer starlight. You can focus real hard on one part of the sky and you'll see stars start popping in, but there's still a lot more you can't see."
There was a 'ding' from the thermos, prompting Kamiyo to pull out the noodle cups and start preparing, thrusting the bag of chips to Sif's hands. As she poured the hot water into the cups to cook, she continued to speak. "It's one of the things that makes me want to move somewhere quieter. I feel like I could lose hours just looking up at the stars we rarely get to see in cities." Setting the cups between them on the bench, she stowed away the thermos and leaned back.
"Do you think they'd like being in cities or would they prefer smaller settlements?"
Sif turned quizzically, "Who?"
"The NMX prisoners you took home. Do you think they prefer being in big cities, or a more rural environment?"
"Hmm... I don't really know. I think they might be overwhelmed with just how many people are in megacities. I know two who are claustrophobic; they'll definitely prefer big open spaces outside cities. I... could probably ask them if they didn't hate my guts."
"Hate you? For what?"
"For stabbing them all in the back."
"Ah, I guess that'd do it. Give it time. Once their brainwashing has been taken away and they get rehabilitated, they'll be able to experience what its like to be a Yamataian. The milk tea's definitely going to win some over. If not, maybe the dango will. Did they have ice cream?"
"I don't think so? There weren't any on the base."
"Then you can take them out for some ice cream! You can show them that surrendering was for the best. Can't imagine they've been treated fairly when they're working for the squids. It's all about the quality of life, you know? Take them shopping. Bring them to watch movies. Take them to the park for a casual walk. Hit the beaches maybe when the weather gets warmer."
"Sounds like you're planning a date," Sif chuckled as she dug into her noodle cup.
"Look, the only difference between hanging out with your friends and being on a date is the chance of having someone inside another at the end of it!"
Kamiyo's directness sent Sif into a coughing fit, much to the former's amusement.
"Mio! I was in the middle of eating!" Sif said, chuckling in between the coughs as she tried recomposing herself.
"Tell me I'm wrong, Sif! You can't! Because I'm speaking the truth and you know it!" Kamiyo declared, doubling down on her stance as she fished for some water to hand over to Sif, who took it and took a few gulps.
When the laughter died down, Sif looked to her friend and smiled. "Thank you, Mio."
"Don't mention it, I couldn't just let you die to a noodle, now could I?"
"Not just that. Thank you for tonight. I know you're trying to get my mind off of things." Sif's smile became more solemn as she spoke. "And it really helped. Just being able to open up is so... freeing."
"You know you could also just open up to the rest of your crew. You don't always have to put on a brave face for them."
"I... No, I can't do that. I can't go soft on them now."
"Why not?"
"Well... I want them to be able to rely on me out there. I already slipped up a few times. I got Molli shot, and I endangered William when I couldn't pull the trigger against the enemy. I'm pretty sure he also took a bullet from that escape attempt. I thought I was doing well in Urtullan, but Rio still got shot down... After all that, I can't be the softie. I have to stop being the softie..."
Kamiyo reached over to Sif, wrapped her arms around her neck and pulled her in for a hug. "Oh Sif..." Shifting her position, Kamiyo cupped her hands over Sif's face. Tenderly and gently she squished her cheeks before pinching them and stretching them out like a grandma does to her grandchildren.
"Ow ow ow!" Sif cried out, nearly spilling the noodles.
"You forgot what I told you in training!" Releasing her hold on Sif, Kamiyo returned to eating from her own cup. "You're falling down the same trap you found yourself in when you were comparing yourself to the rest of your batch. So what if you're softer than the rest? You still got the job done, right?"
"... Well.."
"Right?!"
"I guess..."
"Look, if you're so keen on comparing yourself to other people, let's go back to boot camp. You're in the middle of the road, falling behind. You weren't improving as fast as the rest of your batch, but do you know what I noticed when I looked at the stats?"
"Wait, you looked? I thought only the officers in charge were allowed to look at those."
Kamiyo froze for a moment, her eyes shifting away from Sif before going back to her, like a child being caught doing something she might get in trouble for. "I -- uh-- I may have snooped. May have smooth talked my way to take a peek. B-but that's not important! W-what's important is that while you were falling behind overall, you were excelling in one aspect or two, just getting dragged down by others aspects. Look, you weren't all that good with shooting, let's face it."
"I know."
"But! When it came to close quarters, you demolished the top marksman on your batch! Sure there was another who demolished you back, but then she was horrendous when it came to tactics... W-what I'm saying is, despite us being essentially factory-made, we're not like combat knives or NSPs that are built to the same standard so they can be replaced without impacting performance of whoever uses them. We are on a thousand maybe a million scales when it comes to our competencies. We got our strengths and weaknesses. Play your strengths, compensate for your weaknesses. Everything can be improved on with time and experience but you mustn't forget the most important thing: Be. You! Despite how we came to be, we're not just weapons. We are people. We are flawed. And that's okay."
Sif stared at Kamiyo, stunned at her words. She sniffled and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "Mio..."
Kamiyo pulled her back into a hug. And softly, she said, "I know it's going to be difficult to open up to your crew about all this. You don't have to do it if you really don't want to. I just want you to know that you can always be soft with me. But please, don't lose who you are just to gain their approval. Who you are is always going to be the most valuable aspect of yourself. Okay?"
She could hear Sif sobbing, and she just held her tight. She could feel Sif hold on tightly to her too. Sif needed this, that much she could tell. Keeping all the tears in wasn't good for the soul. It'd fester as it built up pressure. And when the dam breaks? It'd break away a part of you. Little by little it'll break you apart. She was going to keep that from happening.
"Hey... Sif... Look towards the city for a moment," Kamiyo said, the hug they've been tangled in finally parting.
Over on the horizon the sun was beginning to rise, bringing with it a bright gradient slowly overtaking the night sky, bringing light to a new day. The two sat there for a few more hours, just talking and watching the sunrise, letting the warm rays wash over them. Even as the snacks ran out. Even when the birds began to sing and take to the skies, soaring above the earth. Even as in the distance the already busy city bustled more to life.
All that seemed so far away in the moment.
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